When one is faced with living with the mind numbing horrific trauma that I have seen, one learns to distract themselves.

At first, when everything is fresh, you walk around like a zombie (which after seeing dead bodies, you really don’t ever want to see a picture of a zombie or have to explain to someone why you cannot watch The Walking Dead). You do random things, like clean the kitchen, organize a box, pay bills.  This is like the next day. Because you cannot sit still.  Your brain is trying to wrap itself around what happened and it can’t, because it is so fucking unbelievable.  A quote that I heard after was “you cannot make sense out of something that never will make sense” plays around, because we are mostly rational in our day to day.  We want to understand, make sense of things. And this, this thing, you cannot. Continue reading →