It was Jesse’s birthday yesterday, he would have been 39. He has been on my mind a lot over the past few weeks, something I often don’t share.
Continue readingWith Jesse, it’s complicated
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Tag Archives: murder/suicide
To the Press from a loss survivor of a murder/suicide
Warning: This may be triggering as it has some details of a murder/suicide death Continue reading
Subconscious – Leading up to the 3rd death anniversary – Part 4
I was just at the American Association of Suicidology’s 50th Annual Conference in Phoenix, AZ this past week, where I had the honor to speak at twice (which is kind of a big deal for me). Yeah, that is a mouthful, you should have seen the faces of people on the plane when they asked what conference I was going to and speaking at. I digress, which I apologize ahead of time with this one, I am a little jet-lagged, which I will get to. Continue reading
Dead Weight
I spread Jesse’s ashes this past Saturday. Well, that was the idea. What actually happened was a series of metaphors that I cannot and still do not believe happened.
You see, I was ready. I had been ready for about a year to do this, and really ready for about six months. There are a lot of reasons for this. It is such a complicated grief with him that I vacillated between honoring his wishes (which thankfully we talked about after we got married) and taking him out back, digging a hole, dumping him in, pooping on it, then calling it good. Yeah, I know, not one of my more glorious and compassionate thought processes. I figured being in the mostly anger stage of grief recently, I better get him out and honor his wishes. Another reason, in order to allow new energy to come in, you have to let go of old. That is another post for another day. Let’s just say about six months ago, I got there. Continue reading