I am sitting in one of the most peaceful places I have been in a long time, upstate NY, at my boyfriends parents house. I am looking out the window at a small lake, the leaves starting to turn into the glory we all wait for this time of year. This one will be short, as I am on vacation, but wanted to share some thoughts on a movie we watched last night, Manchester by the Sea. Continue reading
I have struggled since Jess and Maribella have died with the concept of faith. Being raised Catholic, I never felt comfortable with that train of thought and leaned more toward a paganistic spiritual kind of way. Ish. Since they have died it has vacillated between spiritual, agnostic, and atheism. Continue reading
I have had many opportunities to see how I have progressed over the past few weeks, and also the glaring reminder of the “new normal challenges” that have taken up residence in my system popping up unexpectedly like an alien take-over. Continue reading
Sometimes I know exactly what I want to write about, sometimes not. Today was the latter. However, when I woke up and was reminded of my Facebook memories, I knew what I would share with you today. It has been thirteen years since my mom died… Continue reading
It has been a week of birthdays. Last Wednesday was Maribella’s birthday, she would have been eight. Mine was yesterday. Continue reading
Dear Parent,
It has been awhile since I last wrote. I felt compelled to write as this Wednesday would have been my sweet girls 8th birthday, and I know I my gaze has lingered longer than usual again. I know it must be weird for you for this woman to be staring at your little girl, and believe me I understand, I would also take notice. But please forgive me as I miss her so… Continue reading
Let me be clear. Before Jesse and Bella died, I cried at Disney movies. Now, it’s at a new level. I keep trying. I really do. I keep thinking, maybe, maybe this time it won’t be as intense. If I stop trying, then I stop living. And we can’t have that, can we? Continue reading
This is a tough and vulnerable one for me to talk about. Trust is a big one for a lot of people, and my “baggage” goes back pretty far, again, like so many others, but the tragedy compounded things a million fold. Continue reading
I just started watching Season 3 of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt recently. I don’t know if it is that I have a different perspective now or what, but it has gotten me to thinking about things. Continue reading
This past Sunday was Mother’s Day.
Jesse killed Bella then himself on May 8, 2014, three days before Mother’s Day that year. Raffi wanted to go to a park where her circus teacher was doing demonstrations. I of course said yes, as I was trying to do anything to give her some joy after having to tell her what happened two days prior. But as I walked into that park on that sunny day, in shock, dazed, and numb, I saw probably every four year old dirty blonde, curly haired girl in all of Portland. Of course. I then swore off Mother’s Day. Continue reading