I have mentioned in many a post how I have been waiting for my kid’s grief to come to the surface, as it inevitably does for all of us at some point or way. Over the past few months, it has been bubbling to the surface. It is heart breaking as a parent when we see our kid in pain and can’t take it away or make it better. Today was no different. Continue reading
It’s complicated, that has been a main theme of this blog. Commercially, holidays, especially Christmas, are a time of celebration and joy, just listen to any Christmas song. For those who have had loss in their lives, recent or not, it is a time where you are made more aware of that empty space at the table. Continue reading
This past Sunday was Mother’s Day.
Jesse killed Bella then himself on May 8, 2014, three days before Mother’s Day that year. Raffi wanted to go to a park where her circus teacher was doing demonstrations. I of course said yes, as I was trying to do anything to give her some joy after having to tell her what happened two days prior. But as I walked into that park on that sunny day, in shock, dazed, and numb, I saw probably every four year old dirty blonde, curly haired girl in all of Portland. Of course. I then swore off Mother’s Day. Continue reading
I wrote this early this year while in my regular coffee shop writing as a little girl was running around giggling in a pink tutu.
I apologize for my staring. I apologize for my crying. I sometimes forget. Well, no, I never forget. You see, I lost my daughter in the most unimaginable way possible. Her father’s mind broke into a million pieces, and he shot her, then himself. I found them. I thought, maybe I can save her. The images that I have vary from when she is alive, to when I found them, to when I was holding her cleaned up body at the funeral home. Now all I have is some of her hair, and her ashes. And memories.
Let me tell you about this child of mine. Continue reading