I have been struggling to say the least. You may have noticed I have not been posting lately? Part of me felt it was selfish to post about her upcoming birthday with all that is going on in the world. And then the mama part of me could not let another birthday pass without acknowledging it…
Continue readingI touch down into my body occasionally with this, and my body rejects it much like food that is spoiled. It is like, nope, sorry, not going there. Not possible. Not one little bit. But, alas, it’s true 🙁
Continue readingI think I want to plan a honeymoon each year about this time. It helps distract from the many things going on in my mind relating to the grief around Bella. Especially with her upcoming birthday…
Continue readingI tried to write last week, I really did, but I just couldn’t. I started a letter to Maribella for her upcoming birthday, and every time I wrote a line, a tear escaped, each tracing a new pattern down my face, a torrent threatening behind. All while I was numb. Continue reading
Last week was rough. I realize my dreaded sub-conscious was hard at work while my conscious just wanted to be normal. But alas, I am not.
It has been a week of birthdays. Last Wednesday was Maribella’s birthday, she would have been eight. Mine was yesterday. Continue reading
Dear Parent,
It has been awhile since I last wrote. I felt compelled to write as this Wednesday would have been my sweet girls 8th birthday, and I know I my gaze has lingered longer than usual again. I know it must be weird for you for this woman to be staring at your little girl, and believe me I understand, I would also take notice. But please forgive me as I miss her so… Continue reading
I almost named this one anniversaries part 2. Jesse would have been 37 this past Saturday. I posted on my Facebook wall the day prior how much I hated anniversaries. Well, it may have said how much I fucking hated anniversaries, but details. I was with some friends the week prior, and one of my dearest was having her 50th birthday party this past Saturday. She and her husband both asked if I was coming. All I had to reply was that it was Jesse’s birthday, and they nodded, gave me a squeeze, knowing that I needed to be alone. Continue reading