My Dad – an unforgettable man

I keep trying to sit down to write, I have an idea, yet my brain will not cooperate to get it out. Maybe next week for that.  For now, there are so many emotions swirling around making me wired tired. I am relieved, relieved that you are not suffering any longer and you left this morning peacefully. I am sad, I will miss so much. I am mad, because I wish I could have been there holding your hand as you left. I am numb. Mostly that right now.  You made an impression on all you met. Our hearts are all heavy today, yet I imagine because of that impression you made on us all, a smile pops up once in a while from a memory that you helped create. With tears in my eyes, my heart with yet another huge crack in it, I will hold these good memories, and be grateful there are so many.  Thank you for being such a good dad.

 

Christmas 2012

 

Worry – For my daughter

Over the past three and a half years, I have watched, observed, and worried for my daughter Raffi, who is now officially a teen. Jesse came into her life when she was two and was first her daddy Jesse then her daddy. He connected with her in ways that to this day, I cannot copy. Her heart, along with mine were shattered on May 8, 2014 when I came home to find that he had killed Bella, her sister, and himself.  Continue reading

New House

I want to start out to say that I am and have been grateful that I was able to find and buy another home after Jesse and Bella died. I can’t imagine the amount of messed up I would be having to stay in the house where it happened. I can barely drive by it and only have three times over the past three plus years.  Continue reading

Ripples

I was on vacation last week, and the first part, as you read was in a peaceful setting in beautiful upstate NY.  I anxiously awaited going to Long Island to see my dad, who has been quite ill and in the hospital over the last month.  The beginning of the week, I questioned whether this would be the last visit.  A lot of emotions swirled around as you can imagine. Continue reading

Manchester by the Sea

I am sitting in one of the most peaceful places I have been in a long time, upstate NY, at my boyfriends parents house.  I am looking out the window at a small lake, the leaves starting to turn into the glory we all wait for this time of year. This one will be short, as I am on vacation, but wanted to share some thoughts on a movie we watched last night, Manchester by the Sea. Continue reading