I never knew I was able to, or, for that matter, had a gift for public speaking until I spoke to an over-flowing church for Jesse and Maribella’s memorial. After, many people commented and said, you are really good at that, especially under the circumstances, which got me thinking.
At the time, I needed to find a purpose/focus for all the emotional energy coursing through me. I did not want their deaths to be in vain. I found it via advocacy work. I realized I was able to share my story with people because of my many years of being in the health care field, where I had to learn to box up my stuff and leave it at the door at the beginning of the day. It is what I do when I do my talks. I have found over the last five years how important my story is, because no one is really talking about murder suicide, especially the specific complicated grief it can leave behind.
Over the years, I have talked to many audiences, and it is always a humbling experience. I give it my all when I do, sharing what the roller coaster has been like for five plus years. I have talked to mostly people in the suicide prevention field, who, have a familiarity with the grief after a suicide loss, but often share with me that they have no clue what someone like me has experienced. I have had time and time again, counselors coming up to me after saying thank you, you gave me a glimpse on how I can help my patient. Or, people who have lost a child, or a spouse, or both, have come up to me saying thank you for giving a voice to what I have been experiencing. This is the humbling part. There are usually tears at the end and many hugs.
With my profession as an acupuncturist for almost 20 years at this point, my passion is education to my patients, as well as giving them tools to empower them in their day to day lives. With my advocacy work, that passion is the same. I hope to give a voice to the many people who have experienced a murder suicide so that they can get the support they need during their lives. I have even developed a class that teaches people some acupressure along with some essential oils that can be useful after a trauma, or to help with stress or grief. A patient of mine a couple of years ago said, hey, you should be teaching this stuff, it’s really good and super useful.
Today, I had the opportunity to talk to teens at at a suicide prevention camp. This was one that I was super nervous about. Counselors, therapists, people in the field, people who are dealing with grief have been my previous audiences. Those, though I still get nervous, I feel comfortable with. I had to really rethink how I presented my story so that it was appropriate. I shared with them what happened, some of what I went through, mostly what Oli has gone through as he is a teen, and taught them a few acupressure points and a couple of essential oils. I hoped to show them that something like a murder suicide can touch anyone, how important a good support network is in life, how critical and ok it is to ask for help if you are struggling, and give them a few tools to be able to manage the roller coaster of life. I think it was mostly a success. They got a kick out of learning some acupressure, poured way too much lavender on themselves, and came up to thank me for sharing my story. I did that with three groups of kids today.
As I drove home, I again was humbled by the opportunity to share, teach, and hopefully touch another persons life in a positive way. I have had the honor to meet (and speak with) several people in the suicide prevention field, people who study it, people who have loss experience, and people with lived experience. There is a power to sharing your story. It touches on the humanity and hearts of others, makes us not feel so alone in our journeys, a coming together of sorts. In this world, we can get so caught up in the day to day, and often can become isolated. When we come together and share our stories, we break through the walls that our phones, technology, and the beloved Netflix, can build up over time. So, I will continue to share, for all the reasons above, but mostly, so that people understand a bit of what people like me have been through. I hope to plant the seeds of compassion within people, to remind them that there are many who are struggling, because, the reality is, everyone does at one point or another, and compassion from another can be the greatest gift you can give someone.
