I was on vacation last week, and the first part, as you read was in a peaceful setting in beautiful upstate NY.  I anxiously awaited going to Long Island to see my dad, who has been quite ill and in the hospital over the last month.  The beginning of the week, I questioned whether this would be the last visit.  A lot of emotions swirled around as you can imagine.

When we arrived and in the following days, he seemed to have turned a precarious corner in a positive way, leaving all of us taking a deep breath in and out with relief.  For some of us, life is short, for some longer. Ever since I was a child, I strangely knew that. When I saw the movie Meet Joe Black (which is one of my favorites by the way) I said, yes. death and taxes, those are our guarantees, death even more so than taxes.  Then I learned it on a level I wish I hadn’t. When I left on the morning of May 8th, I gave my little girl a squish hug (she was famous for hers) and said goodbye to Jesse.  What I did not know is that it was the last time I would see either alive.

We have all heard of the horrific tragedy that happened in Las Vegas the other day. Each of us affected as any human would be, with deep sorrow and the never ending question of why. Each one of the people who went to that concert, went to have fun, live life, not to witness the carnage or even worse, not go home.

When someone we know has been sick for a long time and is expected to die, or if someone passes from old age, it hurts, no doubt about it. But when someone dies unexpectedly or tragically, it takes it to a whole other level of loss. The thing I learned was the never ending ripple effects. I saw a post just last week from one of Jesse’s friends writing to him saying how much he misses him.  Over three years later, the ripple effects still continue. People go on with their lives, yet a scent, a flower, or a memory pops in reminding us of that person.  I cherish those memories, though bittersweet, but sadly, almost every time I have one of those moments, it is followed with the memory of how they died.

Often people do not understand the extent of the ripple effects of a tragedy such as what happened in Las Vegas. You imagine the families of the people who died, you imagine the people who were injured, and often it stops there. What you don’t know is how far it actually goes. It is so much more.  Even though first responders have seen horrific things, it still affects them. Each of them went home yesterday with a heavy heart. The countless people who witnessed someone dying, possibly a friend, affected by shock and PTSD. The people who were injured, possibly dealing with that injury for the rest of their life, possibly not being able to work again. Plans previously made, never to come to fruition. The companies that deal with the clean up. The people who have to tell a family member that their loved one died. The family members who go to support. The extended community who knew that person.  The people who they worked with.  The community of Las Vegas in shock that this happened in their hometown. Then you have people “far” removed. A person who struggles with anxiety in a crowd perhaps, who now says, I am too afraid to leave my house. The person who has seen a death by a gun whose PTSD gets activated.  I could go on and on.

My heart is heavy knowing what some of the people in Las Vegas are experiencing. My heart is heavy knowing that their lives will never be the same. My heart is just heavy right now with another senseless tragedy knowing all to well the ripple effects going so far and wide.

From the last time I was in Las Vegas