I have touched on this before, but wanted to again after this past weekend.  Being a licensed acupuncturist, I am required to do a certain amount of continuing education to renew my license.  All docs do.  It is important to continue to learn and stay up to date with what is going on in the field. Plus, you can always learn something new.

I know from what I have learned and observed, people with PTSD can present with ADD/ADHD like presentations. I have observed this with both Raffi and myself. It was never more apparent though from this past weekend when I was sitting in a conference all day Saturday and Sunday. I would like to think of myself as pretty smart. Learning has always come somewhat easy, along with a mostly photographic memory, I had a life in school of mostly As and Bs. I think I only received one B in acupuncture school. It is not that I did not have difficulties at times, I did, but I was brain smart (I learned much later that common sense is worth much more!). Fast forward to this past weekend. I was able to grasp what was being said, mostly. I am going to be able to apply what I learned to my practice, which is great. But, I could not sit still, I was fidgety, unable to focus on the teacher long term (more than 10-15 minutes at a time) without giving my brain a “break” by checking Facebook, the news, looking out the window, drawing, etc. It was infuriating, because I know what it is like being in front of the room and having people check their phones while trying to teach something. Yet, I was not able to focus and be still. This is not surprising, nor the first time. You should see me writing this blog sometimes, how many distractions I come up with before a final product is complete.

I have talked with many people who have lived through traumatic events, and they have similar challenges. It made me wonder and understand what challenges Raffi has everyday at school.  She has told me often how hard it is to stay focused, organized, and how hard it is to learn things. She is a smart girl. This is because of Jesse and Bella dying, and compound it with the how. I have theories, I am sure there are scientists and researchers out there doing fMRIs mapping the brain, the size, and how it is functioning (and not). My scientific mind is fascinated by it. From what I have read, my brain is different than someone who has not experienced a trauma. It literally is different in size and structure.

So what does one do with that? Work harder and differently. And acceptance. I just wrote about that, didn’t I? I have had conversations with Raffi about this. It breaks my heart that she has these challenges. I can deal with mine, sort of. But this kid has a lot of school and life ahead of her. I told her that she and I need to figure out ways to work around how our brain is now. Neuroplasticity. I will get more into that in a later blog.  It is one of my favorite topics (for reals). Basically, it is re-wiring the brain. She and I have this traumatic wiring for lack of better description, and we need to re-route and almost trick our brains. We will have to work harder than other people to stay focused and learn new things. It is just how it is. Will it get easier? I don’t know. I sure hope so. For now, it gets back to acceptance, which has been a theme lately. I am learning some things are just the way they are now because of what happened. I can fight it, or accept it, and learn to re mold it to a more functional way of existence. Please don’t misunderstand me in thinking I don’t fight it. I do. But there is a certain co-existence between that fight and acceptance, a dance of sorts. I don’t just lay over and say, well, I can’t focus on anything anymore, so I might as well not try. No, I accept and realize the why of why I can’t focus, and I fight to find ways to work around it. I have to. Ironically, Rachel Platten’s “Fight Song” is playing while I am writing this part?!  I can’t make this shit up.

So dear readers, when you have had someone in your life, or if you yourself have had a major trauma in your life, be patient. Understand this is one area that can be affected.  Find ways that work for you to work with and around it. Don’t give up. It takes work, it may never be the same, some days may be better than others, but over time, you will know what works and doesn’t.  Above all, as always, be kind to yourself.