This past week has been hard for all of us. 17 more innocent lives lost. It brings to the forefront arguments that have been given time and time again, some correct, some incorrect. I am not going to get into them all, but wanted to touch upon a “conversation” from today via Facebook.
It was a conversation that went all over the place and reminded me that I live in a bubble. A bubble of people who either have been affected by a suicide death personally, people who understand that it is not a straight forward reason shootings like this happens, people who agree that we need to restrict a certain kind of guns from the general population, people who agree that we need stricter laws on how to obtain a gun, and people who agree that to blame the mentally ill on things like this stigmatizes a population and is just incorrect. Again, its complicated.
What I was reminded of today was the “other side” of thinking, like 180 degrees. My husband posted a stat sheet on gun related deaths and the ability to acquire guns and whether there is a wait period, open carry permitted, etc. The stats show that when there are stricter guns laws, there are less deaths by them. Then, this person who shall remain nameless, chimes in about suicide, how 70% of the deaths were suicides. How you would have no reason to off yourself if you lived in Hawaii, and why would you want to take away such an effective means of ending one’s life. Their body, their choice. This person also says that they are a law abiding gun owner and is ok with common sense gun laws, but don’t tell them they can’t have and AR-15 to defend their home.
I could not help myself. I normally stay quiet. Until I don’t.
I said that they did not want to start down the road of talking about suicide when they were obviously uneducated about it.
He responded by saying they needed to take suicides out of the stats dealing with gun deaths. He said he was ok with suicide if that is ones choice, and using a gun is by far the quickest, most efficient means.
Sigh. I responded in a calm way. I said: “When people die by suicide, it often isn’t their “choice.” They die because of feeling completely and utterly hopeless, being a sense of burden, and having the means. Yes, I am more aware that you will ever be on the efficiency of a gun death. It is statistically proven when you restrict means, you decrease the number of people who die. And you can’t take out those numbers. Any researcher would tell you that will make the numbers biased and skewed. And if you truly want to understand suicide, and those who have attempted and lived, go to my friends page, livethroughthis.org and educate yourself a bit on suicide.”
The response: “thanks but no thanks. I’m ok with people committing suicide. Especially those of us who live in Kansas. It takes away our will to live.”
My response: Challenge accepted. My job and passion is to educate. I have just been reminded of the bubble that I live in, people who have been affected by someone who has died by suicide and people who work tirelessly in the field trying to prevent others. You have reminded me of the battles within society of people who think like you, people who obviously don’t value human life, especially those that are suffering (me chiming in, yes, I know that was harsh, but I was pissed and sometimes my mouth does not cooperate with my tact). Often people don’t care unless it hits close to home. Even though a small part admittedly wishes that, mostly because I think that is the only way you may understand, I don’t wish it on anyone.
His response, after my husband said he was being a dick (I love that man!): he sorta apologized, saying that no personal offense should be taken by his comments. “It is my belief that those who choose to end their life find themselves in a much better place. I place a great deal of value on human life, but I trust that God has made a provision for those who suffer on this earth and choose to join him. He also said that his humor ran on the dark side.
Oh boy do we have a lot to do in this field.
There are so many layers here. People in the field of suicide prevention do not want to take away your guns. They do want people who are struggling to have the guns out of their house temporarily until they get more stable. And, yes, I get it is your right via the second amendment. Yes, I have no problem with that. I grew up around guns. When you say that the founding forefathers established the second amendment so you could defend your home, they did not have semi-automatic rifles in their minds. In fact, they had a gun that would shoot 1-2 rounds per minute. Not hundreds. Do you honestly, seriously think they would be ok with that? Is that truly necessary? Trust me, one bullet is enough to kill someone. Yes, we need some common sense laws. We need to have a waiting period, background checks, mandatory training in how to use, store, and in suicide. I don’t care if you have a gun, I do care if you are unstable (temporarily or permanently), a criminal, or are a harm to yourself or others.
As for choice. For awhile, I thought this was the case. Until I had the pleasure and honor to see David Covington do his Ted Style talk on “Is Suicide Really a Choice.” It changed my mind and life. Truly. Suicide is preventable. People don’t want to “off themselves.” When I think of Jesse (taking Bella out of the picture), the state of his mind, how desperate he was to be out of pain in his mind and body, seeing no way out…I think if we only had more time, if only I was as educated as I am now. I could have helped him. I would have know the warning signs. I would have asked him, are you thinking of suicide? I would have been able to tell him, yes, it is so hard right now, yes, we are going to get you all the help you need, you are wanted, you are needed, please stay. I would have gotten the gun out of our house. You get the picture.
I realize that there are people who think, well, if they want to die, so be it, it is their “choice.” Would it be the same for any other disease? If someone’s brain chemistry was wonky temporarily because of a medication, and it caused hallucinations and suicidal ideation, would you just say, oh well? This is part of the shift we need to see. Helping people understand that this is no different that any other disease. That with proper treatment, suicide can be preventable. That we all be educated like we are with other diseases and not run into barriers when trying to find treatment. That we work diligently on decreasing the stigma around mental health and disease.
Suicide can affect anyone. No one is exempt. There are no class, wealth, race or sex barriers. Is it really a “choice” when your brain tells you there is no choice? When your body has an auto-immune response, is it its fault (ie. choice) that it did this? It is as if your body betrays you. No different with your brain and its thinking sometimes. Let us start this conversation. I had my eyes opened wide today on how much I need to do, how much we all need to do. Campaigns to change awareness don’t happen overnight. Most people thought it was stupid to start wearing a seat belt all the time. But guess what, if you asked anyone whether it was a good idea today, they would say yes. I am an impatient person, I will be the first to admit it. I want everyone to have the same compassion and understanding of the hopelessness and sense of burden one feels when they feel like they have no other option than to end their life. I want everyone to realize that with the proper education and knowledge, we can help those people. I have said time and time again, and I will keep saying it. I will go to my non existent grave (cremation) fighting to change the landscape, and if I save one life, educate one person, it’ll be worth it.
