Self care is one of the most important and loving things you can do for yourself. Though I have always been “decent” at it by doing what I do for a living and making sure I walk my talk, after Jesse and Bella died, it became imperative. 

This one is going to be short, as I am practicing self care today.  I am rarely sick. Comes with the territory of being in the health care field, I am always building up my immune system.  Plus, I live a pretty healthy, relatively speaking, lifestyle.  So, when I get a cold, I am lucky to keep it to a minimum with Chinese herbs and self care.  This time I was lucky that it was on the weekend, so that I could rest.  It has taken me a long time to learn that word – rest.

I was sick as a kid. Like all the time. I was under the impression for many years that it was in my head and I was trying to get attention.  When I was going through my things many years ago, I came across my pediatricians chart notes.  Guess what. I was sick. Legit. I joke and say I got it all out of the way back then. However, something in my 20s happened psychologically. I switched over from when I did not feel good and resting, to me saying to myself, tough it out sweetheart.  It often worked. I think part of it was that I was on my own, and had to support myself.  The other part is an interesting thing that happened in my brain that sees being sick as a weakness. I wonder if it was from being made to think it was in my head as a kid. So I would prove them, right?  This went on for many years.  It wasn’t that I wasn’t taking care of myself. But there was this niggling thing in my brain that saw being sick and taking care of me as a weakness. Then Jesse and Bella died. I had to not only learn to accept help, I had to step up the taking care of me.

It is a full time job as I would tell any patient. Luckily, when you get healthy habits down, it is not as hard. For me, the hard comes when I am needing a mental health self care day, or if I am fighting a cold and I need to stop doing my to do list and rest. Like sit on the couch, read or watch netflix, and not “do”. I don’t “do” that well.

It is still hard for me, but has gotten easier over the last 3.5 years. I realize with this ongoing grief, if I don’t listen and do a lot of self care, it will take me down. So, I am keeping this short and going to finish making soup and take it easy the rest of the day so that I can be able to go to work and do what I love to do tomorrow, and care for others 🙂

One of the greatest inventions ever!