Anxiety. And the lack there of this week.

Posted on December 27, 2016 by Stephanie Willard

Bend. I have written about it before. I remember the first time Jesse took me out here, it was Thanksgiving. My “in-laws” lived in an area called the Old Mill District, which is near a shopping area, and downtown. Even though I barely knew them, the family was welcoming, warm, and so chill. A sense of relaxation came over my body that I was unfamiliar with. That has continued every trip since, and there have been quite a few over the past nine years. Continue reading →

The Vault – Where you put the grief for your child

Posted on December 20, 2016 by Stephanie Willard

I saw “Arrival” last night (if you have not seen it, there are some spoilers, not many, but some). My dear friend of course “prepared” me as much as possible, as she often does. Any time I am about to see a movie that she has seen that has potential triggers for me, she gives me a synopsis for which I am grateful. It does not mean I will not react, but at least there is some preparation, some walls that I can put around the over-reactive trauma that lurks in my brain, waiting to pounce at any given moment. Continue reading →

Pain. And grief/trauma/depression/PTSD.

Posted on December 13, 2016 by Stephanie Willard

There is a pain so utter that it swallows substance up
Then covers the abyss with trance—
So memory can step around—across—upon it
As one within a swoon goes safely where an open-eye would drop him—
—Bone by bone

~Emily Dickinson

To experience pain, one knows they are alive…I either came up with that or read it somewhere. Continue reading →

Christmas – After the Loss of a Child

Posted on December 6, 2016 by Stephanie Willard

Seven years, five months, fifteen days. That is how old she would be today. I usually don’t know that off the top of my head, unless it’s on the 21st (her birthday was June 21, 2009). However, it is something I can come up with rather quickly. Any parent who lost their child can. It’s a thing. Continue reading →